Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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