Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
