Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you never un-have a 4some
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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