New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just pee around me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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