sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
sarcasm needs its own font
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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