Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
