did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
