I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
BRING THE BAGELS
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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