the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
