The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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