I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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