Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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