I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
