I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
