It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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