i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
