Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
