I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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