weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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