WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
