Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
