i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
