No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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