I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
