I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
