she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
