I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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