remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
