morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
