If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
