just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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