I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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