EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize