I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
