you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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