i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize