Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
