So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just puked most of my soul out..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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