Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
