Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
