i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
