I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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