So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
