I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
