dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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