The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
