dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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