I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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