I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My butt remains clenched, sir.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
