you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
