Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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