i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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