you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
