Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
