hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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