What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
