she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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