hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
