I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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