I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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