Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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