so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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