I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
