it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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